Who Am I?

Have you ever had a cataclysmic life event erase your identity, your sense of self?

Maybe it was a divorce, an illness, or death of a loved one… something that made you question who you are, what your purpose is, and how you relate to the world.

 

I’ve lost my identity.  Many times over.

Disease, Death and Circumstance… each stripped away a different part of me.

Family. Health. Loved ones. Career. Finances… they’ve all been taken away, and with them, a part of myself.

 

I used to be fit, strong and healthy.
I used to be a personal trainer. A yoga teacher. A health nut and gym rat.

I used to be a caregiver. A family member. A daughter. A sister. An aunt.

I used to be part of the workforce. An employee. An employer.

 

There is so much I can no longer do.

There are so many roles I no longer have.

 

Who am I when I exhaust all the things I’ve been? When I am no longer in control of my body or my life?

“If I am not this, or this, or this, or this – what am I? Who am I?”

 

 

The only thing that’s left is loss. A tremendous sense of loss.

 

This ever-growing ache in my heart leads me to spend hours in silent and absorptive contemplation. It takes years, but finally a deeper realization dawns on me…

The essence of who I am does not lie in what my body can do, nor in the roles I play,

but in how I relate to world around me.

When I strip away all the different labels and roles, I arrive at the core of my being, at the parts of myself that cannot ever be lost or taken away…

 

I am someone who lives in awe and wonder of the beauty that surrounds them.

I am a heart whose love and empathy knows no boundaries.

I am a witness to the sunlight that exists within each human being, encouraging them to shine brightly.

I am a soul. A spirit. A life force.

I am a miracle that happened.

 

I am pure consciousness

manifested into form

experiencing this journey called ‘life’.

12 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. This resonates with me deeply tonight Kalliopi. All the labels we stick on ourselves for security and belonging… mean so little. Here’s to remembering our essence.

    1. Thanks, Alissa.
      It means so much to me to read your comment.
      It’s so easy to lose sight of our essence, isn’t it?
      At the end of the day, I love being your friend not because you’re a kick-ass videographer/coach-extraordinaire/writer-poet-Masters-of-Musical-Arts degree/I-own-2-entrepreneurial-businesses-and-then-some/(I can keep going you know… but I better stop here)
      but because of the dynamic, vibrant force that radiates from within and that makes you ‘you’.
      Kaliopi

  2. Hey Girl!

    Well, you know this about me already but I could not have resonated MORE with your blog today. SO MUCH of me is still going through the loss… the ache of loss, grief and my identity being crushed to smithereens!
    In fact, just the other day I felt exhausted and was unable to tolerate the heat and walk around a 4th of July event with my kids… I had to wrap it up earlier than I wanted to. Ooooh was I mad! I was sooooo angry and frustrated that I couldn’t be who I wanted to be…. that tireless, do anything lady!

    Thanks for writing this, you totally reminded me of what I need to touch back in with… my essence. <3

    Love you Kaliopi–hope you are well, friend.

    1. Jenny!
      I miss you, you fabulous woman you!
      Deeply touched my words resonated with you.
      I so know what you mean about being frustrated with not being able to be who you want to be… when you have so much drive, passion and spirit inside you but your body won’t ‘obey’, the grief and ache of loss is shattering.
      And yet, all it really is is a ‘life situation’, and not who we are.
      As for you my dear friend, you have such a beautifully brilliant, vibrant core nothing could ever take that away – you always shine.
      Love you too
      Kaliopi

      1. Beautiful words from a beautiful woman. So wise. Sage like wisdom that I know comes from someone who has been THERE – you are such a gifted coach my dearest, K, I love you and am so thankful for your tenacity, grit, softness, strength and simply, for you being you. You are the very definition of rising from the ashes, sweet Phoenix! xo

        1. Thank you, Katrina. You are far too generous with your kind words.
          The truth is, what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves… and you, my dear friend, are nothing short of a warrior goddess and someone I admire deeply… I know your story and if anyone is a Phoenix rising from the ashes, it’s you!
          Love you oh so much
          Kaliopi

  3. Beautifully written. I had no idea of what you have been through these last few years but now I have a better sense. And you are not alone. The last five years have equally been life-altering for me, too.

    1. Martha! Hello!
      What a delightful surprise to see you here and thank you for taking the time to write a comment.
      I’m so glad my words resonated with you, yet sorry to hear you have been through such grief and loss the last five years yourself.
      It is not easy. Not at all… I, too, had no idea what you’ve been through the last while..
      We most definitely need to connect, I will contact you by email. I think we have much ‘catching-up’ to do and stories to share.
      Although nothing can take away the pain and sadness that comes with certain life events, there is something to be said for compassion and simply being understood by another human being.
      Sending you tons of light and love
      Kaliopi

    1. Elyse!!!!!
      How are you, you stunning woman you?!!!
      I can’t tell you how delighted and touched I was to see your name here and your comment!
      So glad you found such meaning in my words, and that you came across my blog.
      I hope life is treating you well. You deserve all the best life can offer.
      Do keep in touch.
      Much love,
      Kaliopi

  4. Beautifully written Kaliopi! It is so true that the world is full of so many labels that we affix to one another and yet we are – as you wrote – so much more than those titles. xoxo

    1. Awww Elena, thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
      Language cannot capture our essence, it is one of those ineffable things where there are no words to truly describe our deepest core… and even more so, it is easy to forget this truth.
      Sending you much love
      Kaliopi

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